Hello.

I can't smile without you....can't smile without you.....

I can't laugh, and I can't sing....I'm finding it hard, to do anything.

You see I feel sad.....when you're sad.....I feel glad, when you're glad.....

If you only knew, what I'm going through......I just can't smile......without you..

Sigh......

Well I'm surprised someone who doesn't know me at all signed my guestbook....thanks for those comforting words, hope you still check this page out... =)

Well the truth is.......yeah I left cause I was afraid of getting myself hurt.

But I left not because I didn't give a damn about her, I left because I gave too much a damn about her....she's still on my mind......you don't forget people like that easily.....you can physically avoid her, but in ur head, she's still there

I didn't know how bad it was until I can think about her and not notice my surroundings....just the other day I almost crossed the street with traffic without looking out for cars......today my friend Lynnette saw me, called my name and waved at me when I was at Tampines MRT train station, and I didn't know that, got a call from her 5 minutes later....had to apologise so many times, I felt so bad. And just now, I totally forgot I had an SMS waiting for me to reply until an hour later cause she was on my mind.

I still think of her.......yeah I do.....I think of her when I eat, I think of her when I sleep, I even think of her when I think.

Like just the other day, two songs started ringing through my head....one being the song "Can't smile without you" by the Barry Manilow.....another being "if I ain't got you" by Alicia Keys.....sigh.

I just went into her Friendster today, I nolonger have her on my account, but I still check her account to see how she's doing in life. I see there's another guy who's after you....I hope he's able to be the right one for her, not like me, running away like that. He really sounds determind to do the right thing to make you happy.....I hope he does so....I really do, I know I will probably be upset that she will one day get attached, but I really don't wanna be selfish I see her all alone and unhappy.

If you are reading this Eileen,

I miss you so much....I really do......the next 2 days I will probably be going in and out of Conrad to pick up my friends from America and Japan. Somehow I wish I'd bump into you.....yet, somehow I wish I wouldn't...cause I do not know how I might react if I were to see u face to face again.....I want to, yet I'm afraid to.

My life's a wreck, there's a hole in my heart that can't be patched by just anyone out there.

Yeah I still love you.....I can't deny that......I tried moving on, but then I realised it was pointless...I'm stuck in a position where my life doesn't really have any good meaning to it.

I demonstrate yoyos to entertain people, I teach the kids and show them tricks just to see them happy, I serve at a restaurant just to see guest feel good with the service.....but deep inside, I still frown......it's like no good deed I try doing can really cheer me up 100%.....you're still the one thing on my mind I can't forget.

That's all I really have to say......I have too much on my mind, pouring it all out will take forever.....

Andrew